How to confront liars using the "Columbo Method"
Have you ever had the feeling someone was lying to you? Or not being entirely truthful? Worse yet, have you found yourself afraid to confront that person for fear of negative repercussions?
The Columbo Method is a simple and ingenious way to handle this potentially precarious problem. Remember the television show Columbo, starring Peter Falk? The fictional Columbo was a detective who solved murder mysteries. He was a humble and unassuming character who had the ability to get anyone to tell him anything, despite their initial resistance. When someone said something to Columbo that was conflicting or inconsistent, he would rub his head and say, “I noticed yesterday you said one thing, and now you are saying something else. I’m confused.” He would say things like, “Could you clarify this?” or “Help me understand.” Columbo did not accuse those he was questioning. By taking the responsibility for his confusion, he disarmed the other person — who then would slowly feel comfortable telling him the things he needed to know to solve the crime. The Columbo Method is to present the facts that appear to conflict, give the person the benefit of the doubt, and then ask questions for clarification.
In a business situation, Columbo might say, “I noticed you said you wanted the report right away, but I haven’t heard from you since I gave you the report. Is everything okay?” Or, “Is there something else I can provide you with?”
By choosing not to blame or accuse the other person, we reduce the likelihood that they will be defensive or resistant and in turn increase the probability that they will reveal what is truly going on. Like a mystery, remember that things are not always as they appear. What may appear to be a lie may not be.
For example, suppose you asked a co-worker to help you with a project at 12 P.M., but he declined because of a conflicting meeting. Then you saw him leave the building at 12:00 P.M. Does this mean he was lying? Of course not. Perhaps his meeting was moved offsite, cancelled, or delayed. Perhaps he simply forgot about helping you. Perhaps he had a family emergency. There are a hundred reasons why he could have been leaving the building at 12:00 P.M.
There is a possibility that he did have a meeting when you talked that morning, but things later changed. The bottom line is that we just don’t know the real reason until we ask. And this is where the Columbo Method can be used. You might say, “You told me you could not help on this project because you had a meeting,
but then I noticed you left. I am confused. Is everything okay?” Or, “Am I missing something?”
The key to the Columbo Method is to remember that all you really know is that the facts are conflicting. You don’t know for sure what else might be going on. If you approach a situation with an accusatory tone, assuming that the person is lying, they will probably get defensive. They will leave physically or check out mentally from the conversation and you will not learn anything. When you use the Columbo Method, it is more likely that the person will open up and answer your questions honestly. The mystery will be solved and the relationship will be intact.
Steven Gaffney, President of Steven Gaffney Company
www.stevengaffney.com
Copyright 2011, author retains ownership. All Rights Reserved.
