How to Avoid the Six Mistakes Managers Make
Habit #1
Prioritizing respect
A true leader does not focus first on trying to be liked. A true leader focuses on the practices and communications that lead to being respected.
It’s a completely different goal that leads to completely different practices.
The core internal question that the leader returns to is, “If I were being managed by me, what would I most need from my leader right now?” The answer to that question varies, but most often comes up as 1) the truth!, as soon as you know the truth, 2) full and complete communication about what’s going on with me and with us 3) all promises, especially the small ones (“I’ll get back to you by tomorrow with that”) consistently, even fanatically kept. Not some promises, not a high percentage of promises, not a good college try, but all promises. When a promise cannot be kept (especially a small one), an immediate apology and update and new promise is issued. A true leader does not try to become everybody’s big buddy, although he/she values being open and cheerful in communication.
A true leader is not overly concerned with always being liked, and is even willing to engage in very uncomfortable conversations in the name of being straight and thorough. A true leader sees this aspect of leadership in very serious, adult terms and does not try to downplay responsibility for leadership. True leaders do not try to form inappropriate private friendships with members of the team they are paid to lead. A true leader enjoys all the elements of accountability and responsibility and transforms performance measurement and management into an above-board business adventure.
Habit #2
Managing agreements
A leader does not run around playing amateur psychotherapist, trying to manage people’s emotions and personalities all day. A leader is compassionate, and always seeks to understand the feelings of others. But a leader does not try to manage those feelings.
A leader, instead, manages commitments and agreements. A leader creates agreements with team members and enters into those agreements on an adult-to-adult basis. All communication is done with respect. There is no giving in to the temptation to be intimidating, bossy or all-knowing. Once agreements are made on an adult-to-adult basis, people don’t have to be managed anymore. What gets managed is the agreement. It is more mature and respectful to do it that way, and both sides enjoy more open and trusting communication. There is also more accountability running both ways. It is now easier to discuss uncomfortable subjects.
If Harry shows up late for team meetings the unconscious manager will talk behind Harry’s back, or try to intimidate Harry with sarcasm, or freeze Harry out and not return his calls, or meet with Harry to play therapist, but the leader will do none of that. The leader will either refer to a previous agreement that stated that Harry (and the leader) would be on time for meetings, or else the leader will ask Harry to co-generate just such an agreement. They agree to agree, and they agree to keep their commitments to the agreements. It is an adult process that leads to open communication and relaxed accountability. The leader has come to realize that when adults agree to keep their agreements with each other it will lead to a more openly accountable company culture. It will lead to higher levels of self-responsibility and self-respect.
The biggest beneficial impact of managing agreements is on communication. It frees communication up to be more honest, open and complete.
Habit #3
Communicating from the future
A leader will not make the mistake of obsessive focus on the past. A leader will use the past as a springboard that immediately leads to a discussion of the future. “What can we learn from that mistake that will serve us in the future?” “In the future, how might we handle that better?”
To a leader, the past has only one purpose: the past is used to create the future with. The past is not used as something to get hung up on, or an excuse for regret, blaming, nostalgia, personal attacks and a defeated attitude. The leader knows that leadership means leading people into the future. Just as a scout leader leads scouts into the woods, a true leader leads the team into the future.
A large percentage of the leader’s communication is about the future: discussing our next week, planning our next month, designing our goals for next year, looking at the opportunities that will be there two years from now. The leader is very thorough and well-prepared when it comes to discussing the future. If the details are not known, the commitments and vision and strategies are.
Unconscious managers will try to disown and spread fear about the future. They will stress how unpredictable and dangerous the future is. They will exaggerate potential problems and stress the unpredictability of everything. They will attempt to come across as realists when in fact it’s much more likely that they simply haven’t done their homework. The true leader will be a constant source of information and interesting communication about the future of the team.
Habit #4
Advocating change
A true leader does not apologize for change. A leader does not feed into the fear that so easily accompanies change. Instead, the leader is an advocate for change. A leader continuously communicates the benefits of an ever-changing organization. A leader endorses an organization that is continuously reinventing itself to higher and higher levels of productivity and innovation.
A leader knows that every change is made for a reason. Every change was decided upon because the positives of the change outweighed the negatives. So, the leader learns the positives, through and through. The leader finds out everything there is to know about the upside of the change, because that’s what leadership is. Leadership is communication of the upside.
Unconscious managers are often as uncomfortable with changes as their own people are, so they constantly apologize for them, which furthers the impression that the team is disconnected completely from the mission of the company. A leader will always re-connect the team to the mission of the company. Change will not be apologized for. Why apologize for something that will improve the strength of the organization? Every change is made (every last one of them) for the sole purpose of strengthening the ultimate viability of the organization. That’s why the leader advocates the change.
Habit #5
Representing the company
A leader has the courage to represent upper management, not run it down. A leader never uses the word “they” to refer to senior officials in the company. A leader says “We.” A leader is often the only chance upper management has of communicating successfully with the people. Therefore a true leader will never betray that trust and function. In the end, a leader’s willingness to stand for “we” the company, instead of running “them” down at every turn, will earn the respect of the team. In the end, the team wants a real leader, and not just a big buddy who is as victimized as they are by “them.”
Habit #6
Standing strong for optimism
While the unconscious manager doesn’t realize what he/she is doing by being so pessimistic all the time, the leader knows exactly what optimism is and what it is for: Optimism is the practice of focusing on opportunities and possibilities rather than complaints and regrets.
A true optimist is not a brainless, blue-sky Pollyanna wearing rose-colored glasses. A true optimist is more realistic than that. A true optimist is unafraid of confronting and understanding all problems in the organization. But once a problem is fully identified and understood, the optimist returns the thinking to opportunity and possibility.
Optimistic leaders acknowledge the downside of every situation, then focus the majority of their thinking on the upside. They also focus the majority of their communication on the upside. They know that the downside is always well-known throughout the team. But the upside is never as well known. Who wants to look like an idiotic optimist? It is far more popular and easy to be a clever and witty pessimist. But it is not leadership.
Optimism in the face of a grumbling and pessimistic team takes courage and energy. It is something most team members would never be willing to do. It is the heart and soul of leadership. And while you may be attacked for it now and then, in the end, the very end, when your life is almost through, it is what your team members will love you for the most.
A warning shot: Communication, trust & respect
We live in the information age. We use our minds creatively and productively throughout the day. We aren’t in some ditch just shoveling dirt. We communicate for a living.
Now, more than ever before, communication is our lifeblood. It is the lifeblood of every organization. Yet many organizations leave most of their communication to chance, or “common sense,” or old traditions that no longer function to keep everyone informed and included.
Communication is the source of trust and respect within each organization. In each of the six leadership habits you will see an outstanding level of conscious communication practices. In each of the six mistakes managers make you will see either lazy communication, insufficient communication, or discouraging communication. When we increase our awareness of communication, communication is enhanced. When we take full responsibility for how we communicate, the organization is enhanced.
