Red Herrings-A Huge Time Waster
As you might know, a "red herring" is anything that diverts attention from the basic issue at hand. In communication, they throw the listener off track with phrases/lines which sound meaningful and important but really just lead the conversation down a path of wasted time.
For example, "It is just the way I am." What does that mean? The person is genetically wired to always do something? The truth is that anyone can do something different if they truly want to. The problem is that many times the person does not want to, but it doesn't sound good to say that. So the person responds in such a way that sounds like a real excuse, but of course it is just a "red herring."
The best thing to do when someone drops a red herring is to not address them, but to go back to the issue at hand.
For example: if the person says, "It is just the way I am. I am always late."
You say: "OK, well are you going to get me the report on time at 3:00?" Or use the Columbo Method (for more details see a previous Bimonthly Advice on the Columbo Method), "I'm confused. So are you going to give me the report on time at 3:00?"
So don't allow yourself to get pulled down a dead end road when the person uses a red herring; instead refocus the conversation on resolving the issue at hand. Continuing the above example, if you were to ask the person, "If I were able to give you a million dollars to give me the report on time, would you give it to me on time?" The person would most likely say, "Well, yes, but you don't have a million dollars"
And then you could respond, "Exactly. You could give me the report on time if you wanted to. So what is it going to take so that I can count on this coming in on time?"
Remember, no one can throw you off track unless you allow them to. It is up to you to take control of your issues and refocus the conversation so that they can get resolved. You can make that happen and get the results you want by ignoring the red herrings.
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