Dealing With The Creeps
What can be done when we are forced to work everyday with people we do not like, or worse yet, with people who seem intent on ruining our day? Unlike a broken machine that we can unplug, the people we dislike most seem to be unstoppable. Yet there is a remedy, and it involves using negotiation techniques.
Like many battles throughout history, each one was eventually settled through negotiations. While we might think that the strong should conquer the weak, that attitude will not create a long-term solution. The goal is to keep your cool and composure and, at the same time, discover how both you and your "adversary" can walk away as winners. Negotiating is usually done when we try to get a better price. However, in general, negotiating is a process of finding equilibrium, a state of balance and peace, and of knowing that the negotiators have found a middle ground. It's also in our best interest to be the person to begin the process. Why? It keeps us in control.
Ask yourself now, "How well do I negotiate problems with difficult people that I deal with at work?" You can answer this question by giving yourself a negotiation "IQ test." Think of how some people press your "hot" buttons and why it affects you negatively. Now recall the times you were able to overcome that difficulty. What skills did you use to help you negotiate in a calm and professional manner?
The key is to keep a negotiation simple by working at it point-by-point. Let's say a co-worker insists that you help him or her solve a problem that is not your responsibility. While you probably would want to tell the person to "go take a walk," do the opposite. Here are some ways to do that:
- Ask the person to define the problem. Use open-ended questions, listen, take notes, and periodically repeat what the person has said. It will let him or her know that you are serious and sincere.
- Acknowledge the other person's problem. While you might know for a fact that he or she is totally wrong, see beyond the person's ignorance. Agreeing that someone has a real problem can be the first step of a negotiation.
- Share your experience. Tell the person that you have solved similar problems in the past, and explain how it was done. The goal here is to politely teach the person how to fix the problem and encourage him or her to go off and deal with it.
- Be patient. Yes, we're all too busy to deal with jerks. However, what happens if they don't go away? Patience is an investment. The more you put in, the greater your return. Be willing to walk away. If the other person is being totally stubborn and doesn't understand or respect the efforts you are making, then you might be facing a "roadblock." Be polite, and suggest speaking at another time.
Here's an acronym to turn workplace struggles into negotiation success:
N - Never be the first one to talk; get the facts first.
E - Enthusiasm and Energy are critical. Avoid letting people wear you down.
G - Set some Goals for dealing with the new challenges. Perhaps set a time limit for the resolution or perhaps acknowledge that a supervisor will have to be made aware of the problem.
O - Ask Open-ended questions. You'll get more information and will also learn a lot more.
T - Talk less, and listen more. Give a difficult person an opportunity to "vent," as he or she "blows off steam." Wait until the person is done, and then make the effort to remedy the situation.
I - Information is power. When you can honestly offer a solution immediately, do it. However, if you need to do some research, take the time to do it, and get back to the person as soon as possible.
A - Attitude is everything, so keep it positive. If someone is down in a pit, your plan should be to pull the person out, not fall in with that person.
T - Trust yourself. Keep remembering your talents and skills. Avoid letting the person make you feel inferior.
E - Exit and walk away if the situation gets worse instead of better. There's a limit to what you can do. As long as you've dealt with the person in the most professional, friendly, and efficient manner, you've done your job.
Sometimes we are the ones who have created problems with other people and are too self-centered to acknowledge it. Here are some ideas to help monitor your actions:
- Maybe the person is right. When dealing with a difficult person, reframe what he or she says to you and see if you can put a positive spin on it. Maybe the person was criticizing your style of doing a project. Think back to the heart of the message - was there some constructive criticism in it?
- Edit your comments. Phrase what you say so that you put water on the fire instead of gasoline. This takes practice. Often, our first thought is to strike back.
- Disarm the situation. Help the other person see the situation as a mutual challenge and that you're in it together. Work your hardest to stay under control. When you're determined to stay calm, it gives the other person a good example to follow.
Remember, everyone has a voice and wants to be heard. Even the "creeps" in our lives deserve the opportunity to speak, be listened to, and encouraged to seek peace with you.
