Accepting the Things You Cannot Change
When life hands someone else something that they did not plan or want, it is relatively simple to see when there is nothing that can be done. The vision is cloudier when you are personally involved. Suddenly, you find yourself fighting the change and the result is like spitting into the wind: it comes back and hits you in the face.
Here are four steps that can help you through the change crisis:
- 1. Verify Control. Quickly assess that the result is beyond your control. Sometimes this requires nothing more than a reminder to yourself. For example, the death of a loved one is undeniably beyond your control. If you did not get a position you had applied for, the decision was not within your control. During this step, you may identify things you will choose to do differently the next time a similar situation arises.
2. Identify the Consequences. Just what does this change mean to you physically, mentally, and emotionally? Be sure to list the 'pros' as well as the 'cons.' Sometimes there are benefits even to an initially perceived negative change.
3. Check your Attitude. If you realize that the change is/was not within your control (Step One), and you can reasonably estimate how this change will effect you (Step Two), then it is time to have a positive talk with yourself to ensure that future actions on your part will help, rather than hinder, your future. Focus upon the positive consequences or how you can handle the negative ones. Use PowerWords© (positive verbs that command your brain to respond positively) to help you through the tough times. (See Talk Is NOT Cheap!; Bard Press 1999.)
4. Take Positive Action. Now it is time to act. Stop moping and licking your wounds. There comes a time when taking action is the best step to full recovery. What can you do that would make life within this situation better? Write down a plan and stick to it. Share it with someone that you trust so that person can encourage your continued action.
If you really don't like the change, here is a positive thought: the change will change. In the meantime, accepting what you can do to not only survive, but thrive, will help.
